Poppyseed

Steve and I just got back from a cruise. It would have been really nice and a lot of fun, I'm sure, if not for something awful that happened to us. I found out 3 days before that I was pregnant, and we were so happy. But I had a miscarriage while on the ship. I spent most of our anniversary in severe pain, both physically and emotionally.

I was having contractions for 8 hours, and then finally it was all over. Eight hours for a barely 4 week old embryo? I shudder to think what real labor will be like for me one day... assuming that I can actually carry a child to term.

I'm sad, but I'm healing. I know that it's for the best. It means that there was some sort of chromosomal abnormality and that the baby would not have survived anyway. There is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I just pray that next time the baby will be healthy. At the very least, now we know that I can get get pregnant.

In much happier news, Jen told me that she just found out she's pregnant. I'm so happy for her and Eric, and I pray that she doesn't have to go through what I did. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I guess what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and I feel like now I've experienced something that few of my peers have. Of course I'll always be afraid that it will happen again, but I also look forward trying again.